First, I'm not content.
Well, there are many moments where I miss having someone around. Shopping, hanging out, watching the tellie, wanting someone to challenge me to be more than I am, etc...
Those are general things. What I truly miss, but it's hard to define is having that someone - that specific someone here with me. Not just ANYONE to go shopping with or chatting - but HER. That specific person who because of who they are, how they think, how they respond to me... THAT is what I miss the most. But as I say, that's hard to define because, SHE is not here - whoever and wherever SHE is...
But I AM content to be single. Not just because I have no choice otherwise. Although that's arguably the case. I am content because the alternative isn't necessarily all roses and lollipops. From experience, I know the alternative can also be misery and living in fear of the next blow-up. So on a scale between happily married and fear of someone who is emotionally damaged (and wishing your death) - being single AIN'T so bad.
But, I am also fighting something else. I've seen enough in my own past relationships with loved ones and family to doubt the existence of what we call unconditional 'love'. Not totally doubt it, mind you - I have some incredible friends and family.
Marriage is different though. I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy. Maybe I fall in love too easily. But when I fall in love, I stay in love. I am loyal to a fault. Some people tell me that I let people use me - that I'm too naive and forgiving. But to me there is no such thing as 'too' forgiving. There is no measurement on FORGIVNESS. You either forgive or you don't.
Looking around, it's harder and harder for me to believe that I will ever find anyone who not only is fun to be with, lovely to look at, have a lot in common AND will not bale when she just feels like it. That's how it's been in my experience. Women aren't just fickle, they are painfully and brutally so. Sadly, it's taken me 20+ years to admit that.
The bottom line is I'm content to be single because trust is hard for me, anymore.
...but the eternal optimist in me keeps hoping that I'm wrong.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Beta Testing
I'm in my FIRST ever beta test for a game (feel free to guess, I can't say which one), and I'm excited!
The downside is the server opened at noon and I'm at work. SOoooo... I used logmein.com to remote into my home computer and after repairing the installation, I was able to log in! A buddy of mine who also is in the beta can't get in yet. He's been in dozens of betas so I'm ribbing him about getting in first.
The only other game I play is Star Wars Galaxies. I am a three-time mayor and run my own cantina called "The Bantha PooDoo". In it's day, it was the most popular player-owned cantina in the game - and even rated the only independant 5 star rating!
Of course I'm going to try to keep the same type of game play in the new game. I'm not into combat as a 24/7 endevour. I'll support as an entertainer type, but slashing and shooting looses it's draw after the first 5 minutes. Mind you, I have a full-blown powerful, respected JEDI character in Galaxies too, so I know HOW to fight, it's just not what I look for in a long-term diversion.
I use MMO's as a huge on-line chat room - with options to go on mini adventures and goof off. In Galaxies, you could fight, entertain, hunt, explore, craft, etc... EVEN FISH if you got REALLY bored. I really miss that game. It's still going and I'm still in, but it's not what it once was. Maybe I'll blog on THAT sometime.
Right now my character is staring at a brick wall... the lag from connecting over the office network to home is unbearable. BUT considering the servers will be swamped this afternoon and evening, (and they are giving prizes for beta testers being online), I'm going to try to stay connected all night.
Wish me luck.
Hey, is that writing I see on the brick wall????
The downside is the server opened at noon and I'm at work. SOoooo... I used logmein.com to remote into my home computer and after repairing the installation, I was able to log in! A buddy of mine who also is in the beta can't get in yet. He's been in dozens of betas so I'm ribbing him about getting in first.
The only other game I play is Star Wars Galaxies. I am a three-time mayor and run my own cantina called "The Bantha PooDoo". In it's day, it was the most popular player-owned cantina in the game - and even rated the only independant 5 star rating!
Of course I'm going to try to keep the same type of game play in the new game. I'm not into combat as a 24/7 endevour. I'll support as an entertainer type, but slashing and shooting looses it's draw after the first 5 minutes. Mind you, I have a full-blown powerful, respected JEDI character in Galaxies too, so I know HOW to fight, it's just not what I look for in a long-term diversion.
I use MMO's as a huge on-line chat room - with options to go on mini adventures and goof off. In Galaxies, you could fight, entertain, hunt, explore, craft, etc... EVEN FISH if you got REALLY bored. I really miss that game. It's still going and I'm still in, but it's not what it once was. Maybe I'll blog on THAT sometime.
Right now my character is staring at a brick wall... the lag from connecting over the office network to home is unbearable. BUT considering the servers will be swamped this afternoon and evening, (and they are giving prizes for beta testers being online), I'm going to try to stay connected all night.
Wish me luck.
Hey, is that writing I see on the brick wall????
Thursday, December 7, 2006
He's All Boy
A buddy of mine just told me this story on his little 4 year old boy:
Dave and his wife decided it was time for a much needed romantic night out. While Dave planned all the dinner details, his wife hired a babysitter for their little girl and boy. As you might imagine, their four-year-old boy was having none of it.
"It'll be fun!" Dad insisted.
"No babysitter! I'm coming with you!"
"You'll have fun. She let you watch TV and you'll play games."
"No! I'm coming with you!" The little boy stamped his little feet and folded his arms in defiance.
The fight went on all evening until Dave had to pick up the babysitter. Driving back he prepared for the coming battle.
What happened next proved that he was going to have to keep a sharp eye on his little boy when he got older, if not sooner.
As soon as the cute 16-year-old girl came giggling through the front door, the four-year-old looked up at his dad with a smile and said, "Bye dad!"
Dave and his wife decided it was time for a much needed romantic night out. While Dave planned all the dinner details, his wife hired a babysitter for their little girl and boy. As you might imagine, their four-year-old boy was having none of it.
"It'll be fun!" Dad insisted.
"No babysitter! I'm coming with you!"
"You'll have fun. She let you watch TV and you'll play games."
"No! I'm coming with you!" The little boy stamped his little feet and folded his arms in defiance.
The fight went on all evening until Dave had to pick up the babysitter. Driving back he prepared for the coming battle.
What happened next proved that he was going to have to keep a sharp eye on his little boy when he got older, if not sooner.
As soon as the cute 16-year-old girl came giggling through the front door, the four-year-old looked up at his dad with a smile and said, "Bye dad!"
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
PocaPoker.com
I'm hooked. I even watch the Poker Tournaments on TV. I used to LAUGH at those shows. I never understood why TV had degenerated from showing such boring games like golf (unless Tiger Woods was playing) and bowling - then POKER of all things!!!
Well, now I know.
It started with a coworker asking me to join his weekly game - which was a big event with a dozen or more ppl. My problem... gambling. It was playing for money, and I don't/won't do that.
But I started to ask questions, dig on the internet, watch a few of those boring tv shows ... and it slowly hit me. This is a GREAT game! It's more about psychology and reading the other players than the actual cards. As someone said, "You don't play your cards, you play the other players".
I started looking for poker items: chips, tables, cards, etc. I wanted THE best items I could get to set up my own game. Mind you, I STILL hadn't played a single game yet... That didn't matter, when I get my head wrapped around something I'm prone to going over-board. And this was no exception.
I got Copag Plastic Cards, maybe 600 or more 11.7 gram chips, a chip carrier, and a decent foldable felt poker table top. I even got a buddy of mine to sell me his large round table with the tall, heavy, wooden stools. It's not like a spend a TON of money. Some of those items were clearance priced. Anyway... I was set.
I decided Friday night was the night and invited a few buddies over. Some had played, some not. While it was a learning experience for the first couple of weeks - we eventually stopped making newbie mistakes and started playing real poker.
Then the word got out...
Now, there are a dozen or so who could come at any given time - the most on one night was 7 -and that's perfect in my book. Mainly, because my table can't comfortably hold much more. I DO have a small card table w/chairs that I can set up for the overflow when necessary.
What puzzles me is that ANYONE comes considering the 'House Rules': "NO Smoking, Drinking, Chewing, Cheating, Cussing, Shooting, Gambling..." But they do come... Go figure!
The 'no gambling' part drives a few people CRAZY.
"It's not POKER if you don't play for money!"
To which I ask, "Is it not Monopoly if you don't play for real money?"
"You can't play the same if it's not for money, you'll bet too easy and the stakes are high enough."
To which I ask, "How much do you play for... $20? THAT'S not real poker either! I see people play for MILLIONS on TV. Now THAT is poker! I'll bet those players would laugh at you more than they laugh at me."
Anyway, weeks later, the core group is still coming each Friday (stil growing) and we've all won at least one or two games. Playing styles are still evolving making for interesting games. Now my addiction has lead to the addiction of others in the group... noted by the fact that poker is a common topic of conversation whenever we get together or talk on the phone.
And yes, I set up a website for that too.. but it's not really completed. www.PocaPoker.com
Well, now I know.
It started with a coworker asking me to join his weekly game - which was a big event with a dozen or more ppl. My problem... gambling. It was playing for money, and I don't/won't do that.
But I started to ask questions, dig on the internet, watch a few of those boring tv shows ... and it slowly hit me. This is a GREAT game! It's more about psychology and reading the other players than the actual cards. As someone said, "You don't play your cards, you play the other players".
I started looking for poker items: chips, tables, cards, etc. I wanted THE best items I could get to set up my own game. Mind you, I STILL hadn't played a single game yet... That didn't matter, when I get my head wrapped around something I'm prone to going over-board. And this was no exception.
I got Copag Plastic Cards, maybe 600 or more 11.7 gram chips, a chip carrier, and a decent foldable felt poker table top. I even got a buddy of mine to sell me his large round table with the tall, heavy, wooden stools. It's not like a spend a TON of money. Some of those items were clearance priced. Anyway... I was set.
I decided Friday night was the night and invited a few buddies over. Some had played, some not. While it was a learning experience for the first couple of weeks - we eventually stopped making newbie mistakes and started playing real poker.
Then the word got out...
Now, there are a dozen or so who could come at any given time - the most on one night was 7 -and that's perfect in my book. Mainly, because my table can't comfortably hold much more. I DO have a small card table w/chairs that I can set up for the overflow when necessary.
What puzzles me is that ANYONE comes considering the 'House Rules': "NO Smoking, Drinking, Chewing, Cheating, Cussing, Shooting, Gambling..." But they do come... Go figure!
The 'no gambling' part drives a few people CRAZY.
"It's not POKER if you don't play for money!"
To which I ask, "Is it not Monopoly if you don't play for real money?"
"You can't play the same if it's not for money, you'll bet too easy and the stakes are high enough."
To which I ask, "How much do you play for... $20? THAT'S not real poker either! I see people play for MILLIONS on TV. Now THAT is poker! I'll bet those players would laugh at you more than they laugh at me."
Anyway, weeks later, the core group is still coming each Friday (stil growing) and we've all won at least one or two games. Playing styles are still evolving making for interesting games. Now my addiction has lead to the addiction of others in the group... noted by the fact that poker is a common topic of conversation whenever we get together or talk on the phone.
And yes, I set up a website for that too.. but it's not really completed. www.PocaPoker.com
First Blog
To whom it may concern,
It was a dark and rainy night... actually it was a bright and sunny, Winter day - and this is my first official Blog. I've had blogs on personal sites (www.SingleChristianGuy.com) but this is the first on a blog site.
Not that anyone cares. Maybe my cat will read this.
I'm a fully addicted web designer and I build sites for the fun of it.
www.SAPS.tv (which also links to another parody site)
www.WhereIsFluffy.com
www.BeAdequite.com
www.Coodle.com
www.R2OL.com
There are more... lots more. but those are the most recent. I'm also setting up a YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/compcarp.
So, that's my first blog. Rants and raves to follow...
(not that anyone cares...)
It was a dark and rainy night... actually it was a bright and sunny, Winter day - and this is my first official Blog. I've had blogs on personal sites (www.SingleChristianGuy.com) but this is the first on a blog site.
Not that anyone cares. Maybe my cat will read this.
I'm a fully addicted web designer and I build sites for the fun of it.
www.SAPS.tv (which also links to another parody site)
www.WhereIsFluffy.com
www.BeAdequite.com
www.Coodle.com
www.R2OL.com
There are more... lots more. but those are the most recent. I'm also setting up a YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/compcarp.
So, that's my first blog. Rants and raves to follow...
(not that anyone cares...)
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